How To Deal If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship, But You Do


I met this guy three weeks ago. We clicked immediately and started texting each other every day. We hung out a few times, and when I told him I wanted to take things slow, he said he did too. We started to get really close, but then things started to change. He didn’t text me back for four days, and I knew something was wrong. Once he did text me, he said, “I need to be honest with you, I’m not ready for a relationship. I’m sorry I led you on, I didn’t realize how much I wasn’t ready for one. You’re really sweet and I was worried I would hurt you if we tried something.”

I was really surprised, but I had to act like I didn’t care. I said, “Woahh that scared me haha that’s okay. Don’t need to apologize because I actually saw it coming! I understand though, thanks for letting me know :)” He was surprised I took it so easily, but in reality, I’m really upset. Even though we’ve only known each other a few weeks, I got really attached to him. I have no clue what to do. Should I delete him off my contacts and Facebook and walk away? I had a really good feeling about this one. I don’t know what to do anymore!

I’ve been in this situation, and I know exactly how you feel. It sucks to be let down in this way, especially when you thought things were going so well. I know how hard this is, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it.

That being said, it’s nice that this guy handled things the way he did. Most guys would just blow the girl off entirely – but he was honest with you, which is says a lot. That’s why I think you made a mistake when you responded to him. I understand that you wanted to act like you didn’t care because you didn’t want to come off as vunerable. However, lying about your feelings is never going to benefit you.

So, I think you need to be honest. Send this guy a text or Facebook message and say something like this: “Now it’s my turn to be honest. I was pretty disappointed when you said you didn’t want a relationship. I really enjoyed hanging out with you, and I liked you. I respect what you said and I appreciate your honesty, but I wanted to let you know in case things can ever be different. Maybe I’ll talk to you soon.”

I know that putting your feelings out there like that is terrifying. But guess what? There’s nothing wrong with telling a guy you like him. When you acted like you didn’t care, he was probably like, “Huh, okay. Guess I made the right decision.” But if you had been honest, maybe he would have thought more about his choice. I’m not saying that this message will definitely win him back – it may not. But isn’t it worth telling him the truth? Then you won’t spend the rest of your time wondering, “What if?”

Once you do that, see what happens. If he gives a positive response, maybe you guys can take things slow. If he doesn’t, then it’s time to move on. Do that in whatever way you need to – if it’s deleting him off of your phone and social media, do that. Know that if you guys don’t get together, it just wasn’t meant to be, and that’s okay. You’ll meet someone else who is ready for a relationship with you soon – in the meantime, focus on yourself.