Doing These Few Things Before Bed Can Save Your Relationship


Creating a connected and intimate bedtime routine can help both of you get back to a place of connection, intimacy, and, dare I say it, FUN. Here are six changes you can make tonight to bring back that sexy, intimate, and wholly necessary connection you used to have together.

1. Go to bed at the same time.

When our bedtime schedules don’t match, it’s often a matter of choice—like when someone stays up late to watch TV or work, while the other disappears into the dark recesses of the house. Building a sense of connection usually requires being in the same place at the same time. So make the choice to head to the bed together, maybe even hold hands as you go. Do this every single night, without fail. After all, retiring to the bedroom together means you’ll hit the sheets together.

And while you curl up…

2. Put all your electronics away.

Not only do our devices’ endless notifications disturb our REM sleep, they also offer an imitation of connection. Bedtime is an opportunity for real connection with the person right next to you—you know, the person you fell madly in love with and whom you’ve chosen to be your partner? Put your dang phone down, seriously. Make your bedroom a sanctuary, free from the noise of life, and watch your connection improve almost immediately.

3. Turn your nightly catch-up conversations into pillow talk.

Dinner is done, the kids are asleep, and the adults finally have a chance to catch up. Instead of talking over dirty dishes or during commercial breaks, move your catch-up conversations to the bedroom. Discussing your day as you remove your clothes is cathartic and allows you both to physically “remove” the day’s events and get back to what matters: each other.

4. Engage in foreplay before you enter the bedroom.

Part of what makes sex great is the lead-up to the actual act. If you limit foreplay to the moments just before, it can start to feel like the same run-of-the-mill actions and activities. Next thing you know, you’re caught in a cycle of, “I’ll do this, you’ll do that, then we’ll sleep.”

Instead, start the day with a note on the mirror, or send an alluring midday text for no reason. The point is to make your inner desire show outwardly so they know that they are wanted. Commit to showing your love this way every single day so that as you head to bed, you remind your partner of how special they are. After all, one of the biggest turn-ons is being wanted.

5. Explore new ways to touch.

The best foreplay happens when you give just for the sake of giving instead of only trying to receive something in return. A long, slow massage can be the perfect way to truly relax your partner, but it is also so much more than that. A massage can help build anticipation, connecting you through touch to help grow the intimacy and trust between you.

6. Kiss goodnight every night.

Above all, close out your day with a combination of physical and emotional intimacy. Some people don’t like to sleep close together—maybe they like their space, or they get too hot—but a kiss goodnight is one of the simplest ways to connect at the end of the day.

Unfortunately, it’s also one of the activities that disappears the fastest when relationships shift from passionate to compassionate love. So kiss them—really kiss them, and re-ignite your connection. Deepening your bond with a fun, relaxing, and maybe even sexy bedtime routine can do wonders to revitalize a relationship. And who knows? Maybe you’ll get less sleep…and like it.

Originally written by Charles J. Orlando, YourTango


log in

reset password

Back to
log in